I remember holding my beautiful 2-week-old son, completely captivated by his tiny fingers and the soft rhythm of his breathing. Suddenly, bubbling up through the cloud of love, a realization hit me—I wasn’t giving him back to anyone. He was mine to love, hold, and care for. In that moment, the weight of responsibility came crashing down. How could I possibly care for another human being, be responsible for his well-being?
I didn't know if I could. I thought I had to not only care for his well-being but somehow ensure his happiness. Even though I loved him with all my heart, I doubted myself. And honestly, there are still days when parenting is hard, and I doubt myself. But what helped me then, and continues to help me now, is understanding a key principle: my role as a parent is to care for his well-being on all levels, not necessarily to make him happy. That distinction has been a cornerstone in my journey.
Parenting is so much more than tending to the daily routines or fulfilling the practical needs of our children. It’s a unique journey of self-realization—for both parent and child. Through this journey, we are given opportunities to grow alongside them, to hold space for their evolving needs, while learning to care for ourselves in the process.
Beyond the Checklists: The Essence of Parenting
We live in a world filled with to-do lists and endless responsibilities. As parents, it often feels like there’s always something more we should be doing—changing diapers, getting kids to school, managing their emotions, and keeping the household running. It’s easy to get caught up in the daily routine and focus solely on our children's physical and emotional needs.
However, when we concentrate only on these tangible responsibilities, we overlook a deeper opportunity for connection. We tend to view our tasks as a series of zeros—more duties and challenges. Yet, without a greater purpose or self-awareness, those zeros don’t amount to anything meaningful. What gives these experiences value is the “one” we place in front of those zeros. That “one” represents self-realization, inviting us to expand our consciousness through the journey of parenting.
It’s not just about ensuring our children have what they need; it’s about realizing that parenting is an amazing journey of growth for us too. We have the opportunity to learn more about who we are, who our children are, and how we can all thrive together.
The Balance Between Love and Happiness
One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned is that while it’s natural to want our children to be happy, it’s not our job to guarantee their happiness. Our role is to nurture their well-being and support them as they navigate life’s challenges. It’s not always about creating a smooth, happy path; it's about helping them develop the resilience to overcome the obstacles they’ll inevitably face.
In a way, the love we have for our children mirrors the unconditional love that many spiritual traditions speak of. This love isn’t transactional or dependent on how things are going. It’s about being there, fully present, even when things are hard. Parenting offers endless opportunities to practice this kind of love—the kind that doesn’t waver in the face of difficulty or disappointment.
Self-Growth Through Parenting
There’s a saying that children come into our lives to teach us as much as we teach them. I’ve found this to be profoundly true. Children challenge us in ways we couldn’t have imagined. They test our patience, push our boundaries, and bring out both the best and the most challenging parts of ourselves. However, through this process, we are invited to grow, to evolve alongside them.
Sometimes that growth requires us to face our own fears, anxieties, or old wounds. It can be uncomfortable, yet it’s also an opportunity to heal, to shed the layers that block us from fully stepping into our role as loving, compassionate, and capable parents.
Parenting is not about perfection. It’s about presence, love, and resilience. There will be moments when we get it wrong, and that’s okay. What matters is how we show up in those moments of difficulty—how we hold ourselves and our children with compassion and care when happiness isn’t immediately available.
The Gift of Parenting
In the end, the most beautiful gift we can offer our children is our authentic presence and unconditional love. By being fully present in their lives, and in our own, we model what it means to live with intention, compassion, and self-awareness. And through this, we not only nurture their well-being but our own growth as well.
Parenting is a journey, not a destination. There will be ups and downs, but with each challenge comes an opportunity to deepen our connection to ourselves and our children. As we grow together, we create a space where both we and our children can thrive.
An Invitation to Connect
If this resonates with you, and you’re looking for support on your own parenting journey, I invite you to reach out. Whether you’re navigating the early years or facing new challenges as your children grow, know that you don’t have to do it alone. Together, we can explore how to cultivate deeper well-being for you and your family, and find more peace, joy, and connection along the way.
You can contact me at fayenen@gmail.com, or peruse my website to learn more about how I can support you. Parenting is a journey of growth—for both parent and child—and it would be an honor to walk that path with you.
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