Mornings can be a chaotic time for many families, mine included—especially when I’m half-asleep or running on autopilot! I had one of those mornings not long ago, nagging my son to get dressed, brush his teeth, and wash his face, all while trying to inhale my breakfast and pack lunch boxes. You know the drill! The sound of my son’s protests filled the air, mingling with the clatter of lunch boxes and the smell of toast burning in the toaster. My son was clearly not enjoying this, and honestly, neither was I. I could sense my husband’s frustration too. Inside, I felt like I was racing at 90 miles an hour, convinced we were going to be late, and NO ONE was doing what needed to be done to get us out the door on time! Ughhh, even writing this makes my inner systems speed up and clench tight! Phewwwww.
As we reached the stage of putting on shoes and coats in the corridor, my husband paused to give me a hug. He gently asked if I had a minute to share that moment with him. My immediate thought was, "No! Of course not! Who has time to pause? Can’t you see we’re rushing?!" Yes, my mind was indeed filled with that many exclamation marks, and more. I even started to say, "I don’t have time..." but then I caught myself. Alarm bells rang loudly in my head. I know that, nine times out of ten, unless I’m facing an imminent threat, I do have the time to pause. I can stop and take three deep breaths, even when I think I can’t. So, I took a moment to remember everything I’ve learned and everything I encourage others to embrace. I paused right there in the corridor, shared a simple hug with my husband, and then lay down on the floor amidst bags and shoes, breathing deeply.
Not more than a few seconds later, my son—who just two minutes earlier had been vociferously arguing about the merits of putting on shoes and brushing teeth—came and lay down beside me. For less than a minute, we breathed together, connecting with our bodies, the ground beneath us, and the space around us. When we finally got back up (this all took no more than a minute), we calmly put on our shoes, gathered our things, and left the house feeling warm and loving towards one another. The car ride to school transformed into a joyful journey filled with singing and friendly conversation instead of simmering anger and heavy silence.
Ahhhhh, the Pause! What a wonderful principle and skill, and I am immensely grateful for it. I owe thanks to Ray Castellino, Tara Blasco, and Mary Jackson for teaching me this invaluable practice. It has made a significant difference in my personal life and family dynamics—my son and husband would happily corroborate that! I’ve also heard many stories from clients about the positive impact it has had on their lives.
The Pause is one of eight principles developed by Ray Castellino, DC, RPP, RCST, known for his pioneering work with families, adults, children, babies, and small groups. Ray shares that these principles are fundamental to all truly healthy families and small groups, fostering cooperation, connection, and healthy nervous system regulation in individuals and groups.
The Principles are:
Welcome
Mutual Support & Cooperation
Choice
Self and Co-Regulation - the Pause
Self Care
Brief Frequent Eye Contact
Touch/Attention
Sacred Confidence - Confidentiality
If you’d like to learn more about these principles and how they can support you in fostering greater health within your family systems, I encourage you to reach out! I invite you to take a moment each day to pause, breathe, and connect with your loved ones. You might be surprised at the warmth and understanding that can blossom from just a minute of shared presence.
Bình luận